The Father formed me: A testimony

Testimony from Slovenia

I will testify about the event that followed the retreat with the MPC in Slovenia (Škofja Loka, 31.5. – 2.6. 2024). To make it better understood, I will briefly outline my history.

I was born in 1973 as an illegitimate daughter. My mother came from a peasant-village background. The parents were deeply religious and devoted Christians with five children. My mother was the youngest and got pregnant while still attending high school. My biological father has decided to disown me. When I was only one month old, my mother had to leave me in the care of my grandmother, because her brother insisted that she finishes her last year of schooling. She only came to see me on weekends. At school, she met my stepfather, whom she quickly married and who adopted me at the age of one. After two years, my half-sister joined me and we lived in Maribor (east Slovenia). My sister and I often spent our holidays separately at our grandparents. That was strange to me. I always went to my mother’s, and my sister to my father’s. Exactly 40 years ago, when I turned 11 and spent the summer holidays with my grandmother, my life changed forever. Me and my cousins spent time reading, looking at old photos in albums, when our aunt, my mother’s sister, joined us and browsed with us… One of the photos showed a group of workers. The aunt said: “______ look, this is your father!” I remained completely silent because I didn’t understand what she was saying and I just looked at her. That’s when she realized, laughed loudly and asked: “What, do you not know that?!” All I could say was: “It’s not true. My father is in Maribor and he is now at work.” Then I avoided everyone all day until my mom came over and I confronted her about it. I learned that my biological father had started a new family and that he had two daughters. 

In 1997, I started a job as a teacher at the high school in Škofja Loka (central Slovenia) because I wanted to be as far away from home as possible. In May, my mother called me and informed me that my father was dying of lung cancer. I wanted to secretly visit him in the hospital, but my relatives strictly forbade me because his family didn’t know about me. Father died, only 47 years old. And I have never touched him…

In 2006, my half-sister found out that my father had an illegitimate daughter when his (fathers’) wife was cleaning his things two years after his death. Among some documents she found a letter that I sent to him at work. She kept it secret. 

I waited and took courage in 2011. Facebook was popular and I thought of my half-sisters again. Not long after, I sent the younger one a short, heartfelt message. She replied that she believed it was possible, but that she did not want to have contact with me until my older sister and mother agreed. 

Retreat with MPC, 31.5. – 1.6.

On Friday morning, on the first day of spiritual weekend, my chest began to tighten and a terrible restlessness settled in me. This took me completely by surprise. A bit of a scare, too. I began to doubt whether I should go at all and struggled to make a decision. After all, I decided to go. I arrived at the reception confused, things were falling out of my hands, I was ashamed. I wanted to go home, but then, suddenly, I felt that I should accept this feeling. I no longer wanted to control anything, I was simply there.

They prayed for me on Saturday. Something started to open up… Then in the evening Andraž had a testimony about his biological father, who revealed himself to him on his deathbed… This reminded me of my half-sisters. 

On Sunday, I asked others for a prayer. I wished to be freed from longing and at the same time to accept my life. Because I no longer wanted to exist, I just wanted to become so small and invisible that no one would have problems with me. Then the lady opened Psalm 139, which tells that the Father formed me before my mother and father did. So, my life was not their decision, but the Father’s!

That’s when I made a decision. 

On Sunday, after the end of the retreat, I went to the town near by (Brdo pri Kranju), where my half-sister was supposed to work at a fair (at the retreat my cousin ‘coincidentally ‘ told me that). My whole body was shaking, I couldn’t calm down. I was looking for her at all the stands, but I couldn’t find her. I decided to go through all the stalls one more time. More calm this time. And I saw her. I knew it was her right away. She had two last clients. I waited, greeted her and asked if she is Ms. _____. And I said to her: “I am _____, your half-sister” . She looked at me, stunned… then we hugged and cried… all the time she was apologizing for not contacting me, but she was constantly thinking about me. She didn’t dare to stand up to her sister and mother, who claimed that I was lying. But she knew I wasn’t lying, she said: “You have your father’s nose, lips and eyes!” The best part was hearing that this day was one of her most beautiful days, besides the birth of her now five-year-old daughter. And that I should never call her half-sister because she is my sister. We haven’t been in contact since then, but it’s emotionally very exhausting for both of us and I believe that what the Lord started, He will finish. Glory and honor to Him forever! Amen.   

Participant of MPC retreat in Slovenia